3 More Questions You’re Too Shy to Ask When Dining Out

Image: Christine Labrador via Adobe Firefly

What questions are we too shy to ask when we go out to eat? We answered a number in the March 2025 issue of HONOLULU Magazine—including when is it OK to send food back? Why is there a kitchen service fee on the bill? And why isn’t my emotional support dog allowed at a restaurant? among others.

Here’s more. Kawehi Haug is a longtime freelancer for HONOLULU Magazine and a former owner of Let Them Eat Cupcakes, Bethel Street Tap Room and Hukilau Honolulu. Since January, she is also chef-partner at Faria, Kailua’s new modern Portuguese restaurant. And Haug is a frequent customer at other establishments, from takeout counters and bars to upscale eateries. Her dual perspective is exactly what we needed for these Q&As.

Q: I’m not a big eater. Is it rude to ask to split an entrée with another person?

A: No, it’s not rude. But there are a few things to keep in mind:

• Some restaurants charge a fee to split entrées. The reason is that the kitchen will often give more food to make the plates look full. It’s also a question of aesthetics. A good restaurant won’t send a dish out that isn’t well plated and garnished, even one that’s been split.
• Asking for a split entrée will go over better if you don’t ask during the restaurant’s busiest times.
• If it’s a portion size thing, perhaps I can convince you of the pleasures of leftovers? If it’s also a budget issue, it’s best to choose a place that better suits your budget rather than ask to split your meal.

Q: Why is this restaurant so loud? Shouldn’t I be able to hear a conversation?

A: We go to restaurants to eat and drink and talk story. To connect. But what happens when a place gives quiet, upscale steakhouse vibes from the outside but high-energy party vibes inside? My answer may not be popular: As diners, we have to accept that restaurants are moving out of the dark and quiet era and into the loud and lively one.

Many new and trendy restaurants are pairing the sophistication of upscale dining with the liveliness of casual dining. They can wear both their fancy pants and party pants and still be worth your time and money. But we need to adjust our expectations about the noise level. I’m saying that as a person with congenital hearing loss who sometimes never really catches what the server is saying. But thanks to this new era, my lip-reading skills are getting better.

There are a few things you can do.

• If there’s an outdoor seating area, request to sit outside where the noise isn’t so concentrated.
• When you make a reservation, make a note that you would like a quieter table. That may not exist, but at least you’re letting the staff know that decibel level is important to you. A good restaurant will do what it can to make you comfortable.
• If you’ve already been seated, graciously ask your server if something can be done about the noise level so that you can better enjoy your meal. Sometimes, they can turn the music down or offer you a different table.

Q: I feel self-conscious dining solo, even though I really enjoy it. How can I mitigate these feelings?

A: Treating yourself to a nice meal among others who love good food without having to be sociable is a pretty great experience (introverts unite!). Unfortunately, not all restaurants share that perspective. As a frequent solo diner, I’ve had bewildered servers confirm that I did in fact ask for a table for one. I’ve been relegated to bar seating when I’ve requested a table. I’ve been shoved into a corner by the bathroom.

None of that is OK. Solo diners should be able to have the same experience as every paying customer. So here are a few tips:

• Call the restaurant and reserve a table for one. Letting them know before you get there will help temper whatever weirdness you think you might encounter.
• Bring a book or a magazine. Order appetizers, a glass of wine, say yes to dessert: In other words, savor, linger, enjoy. But don’t use the occasion to FaceTime with your mom—solo dining doesn’t give you carte blanche to disrupt other diners.
• If you want a table in the thick of the action, say so! A good restaurant with good servers will be happy to accommodate you.

These are a few places that make solo guests feel welcome: Little Plum, Murphy’s Bar & Grill, Tonkatsu Tamafuji, Bar Leather Apron, Rigo, Liliha Bakery (the OG location), Fête, Wolfgang’s Steakhouse, Shige’s Saimin Stand and Cinnamon’s.